he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
