i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
