So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
