And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
