I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
