I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
