Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
