She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
