Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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