im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize