after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
