3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
