are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
