you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
