You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
