There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
