But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Houston, we have a squirter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
