i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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