"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
