Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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