I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
