Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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