My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
