Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
