I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
