why didn't you poke me back
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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