so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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