Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
