Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
