I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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