The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
