Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
