White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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