Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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