Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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