Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
