How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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