It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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