The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
