Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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