Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
