Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
