I cut my penus on the lid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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