Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
