so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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