just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
someone owes me an orgasm
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Randomize
