so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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