i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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