I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
