I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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