Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
