The maid of honor just puked.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
