So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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