i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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