i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
