I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
