dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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