This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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