U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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