Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
