his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
