Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
