I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
barbara walters just said penis...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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