Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
