that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
