I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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