dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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