So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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