every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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