i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
