I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
