dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
