I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
