plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
