this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize