i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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