I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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