i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
