Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
