I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize