im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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