well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
