Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
