Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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