my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
