I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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