Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she looked like the before picture.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
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