I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
