we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
