Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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