you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
