yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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