Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
