How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
