tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
