these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
