i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
