Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
