I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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