So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
