hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
