if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
