Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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