we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
