How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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