No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
