If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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