Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She said her name was "party"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
