i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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