Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
