What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
