Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
