Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He did a backflip because drugs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
