Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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